Grandmother
by Yanx's Pen
Summary: If:  *1 You are James Potter  *2  Lily Evans & you: *very* platonic relationship  *3  Your grandmother: insane, wacky, AND really superstitious  *4  Said gran thinks that the way Lily's hair rests on her back makes her your soulmate...then YOU are F***ED
1. News

-NEWS-

James plopped himself on the couch, glaring resentfully at the fire. Sirius, who was seated next to him, looked up in amusement, "Merlin James, what did the fire do to you?"

James ran a hand through his tousled his hair, mumbling something.

Sirius leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowing. "Sorry, I didn't catch that. What's that?"

James leaned back into the couch, covering his face with his hands. Sirius caught the words "grandmother" and "Dumbledore". Sirius's face twisted in confusion. He shook his head. "No," he decided. "You're going to have to do slightly better than that." He removed James' hands from his face, despite James' incredible strength, and held them at his side.

James was wearing an agitated expression. He cracked an eye open – Sirius hadn't realized that he had closed them. "My ... _grandmother_ ..." Sirius was shocked at the way James whispered the word with such contempt, but told James to carry on. "My _grandmother_," James repeated, "is coming to visit Dumbledore."

Sirius processed this. When he couldn't come up with anything, he enquired, "And how, exactly, does that affect how many galleons you have?"

James heaved a deep sigh. He leaned his head against the couch and closed his eyes. "Sirius, you don't know my grandmother, she's worse than that bloody Divination professor what's-his-face."

Sirius stared at the flickering flames of the fire, not bothering to tell James the name of the Divination professor. He turned his head as a few fifth-year girls entered the Gryffindor Common Room. They glanced his way and giggled to themselves. Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to face James again. Thankfully, he hadn't noticed Sirius's lapse in attention.

"Why don't you elaborate?" Sirius asked intelligently.

James opened both of his eyes, straightened and faced Sirius completely. "Since my sixth birthday, she's been giving me crystal balls," James stated matter-of-factly, as if that explained everything.

Sirius waited for him to say more, but when James continued to stare at him trough his glasses, Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "You know," he said, "the general definition of the word _'elaborate'_ is to explain the concept of something without leaving your audience in confusion. James," Sirius said, placing a hand on James' shoulder, "_I _am your audience, and I am thoroughly and utterly and unequivocally and indisputably ... confused."

James stood up suddenly, and Sirius's hand fell to the couch. James started to pace in front of Sirius. Up. Down. Up. Down. "My grandmother – I love the woman, I truly do, but she's strange. She believes in everything. In Muggle superstitions and in _our_ superstitions. She's ... extremely superstitious." Up. Down. Up. Down. "_Don't walk under a ladder_." James said in a poor imitation of an old woman's voice. "_Don't use your wand when you're wearing blue. You can't play Quidditch unless you've hiccupped after drinking pumpkin juice."_ Up. Down. Up. Down. "I started to think that she made up half of them," he said in his normal voice.

Sirius was whipping his head to the left and to the right, following James. "James?" he asked. James stopped. "Could you stop pacing up and down? You're giving me whiplash," Sirius complained.

James rolled his eyes, but threw himself on the couch again. He stared up at the ceiling. "And now she's coming, Sirius! I don't know how, because she doesn't believe in flooing, apparating or walking – "

"What about Portkeys?" Sirius asked.

James rolled his head around to look at him, and grimaced. "She thinks that they're a waste of time."

Sirius laughed. "A _waste_ of time!" he repeated. "What a load of bogwash!"

James sighed. "I know."

At that moment, Lily Evans came in and sat on the single couch near them. She looked over at them, an amused smile sporting her face. "And now, James?"

James groaned, covering his face. Sirius patted his hair soothingly. "There, there, dear, it'll be alright," he said in a perfect imitation of an old woman's voice.

James growled and punched him. "_Shut_ it!"

"Hey! You didn't have to punch me!"

Lily interrupted their bickering, "Before you two have a catfight, would you care to tell me what's got James' knickers in a twist?"

Sirius laughed. "His grandmother is coming to Hogwarts."

Lily's eyes brightened. "Oh, how lovely!" she said in genuine joy. At her reaction, James elicited a louder groan, and started hitting himself with the couch cushion.

Sirius grabbed the cushion from him, and said, "James don't be ridiculous, now. And besides," he winked at Lily over James' head, "you can't hurt yourself with a cushion. Here, try this," he Summoned a side table, and held it out to him with a cheerful smile.

Lily rolled her eyes, and before either boy could do anything she waved her wand and the side table was Transfigured into a cushion. She shot a half-apologetic look at Sirius, "Well, you would've regretted it if he ended up with a concussion."

Sirius shrugged, and said, "Touché."

James slid to the floor, and Lily raised her eyebrows. "What is wrong with your grandmother coming to stay, James?"

"Apparently she's really superstitious," Sirius provided.

"There's no _apparently_ to it," James mumbled darkly.

"Everyone has a little bit of superstition in them, James," Lily chided.

James simply shook his head, saying, "You'll see."

A few moments of comfortable silence settled upon the three of them, until Lily piped up, asking, "Why is she coming to see _Dumbledore_ of all people?"

James ran his hand through his hair again, and said, "She and Dumbledore are good friends, or something weird like that."

Lily stood up, and stretched, and for a fraction of a second, James marvelled at her chaste beauty. Her lovely, green eyes – like jewels they were. He followed her waves of red hair down to her small waist. Surprised at his thoughts, he stood up, too, saying, "I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight, you two!"

"Uh...hang on a second, James," Sirius said. Something in his tone halted James and he looked back at Sirius. Sirius had a knowing look in his eyes. James looked away.

Lily, not noticing the whole exchange, said, "Me too, James. I'm thoroughly exhausted! Goodnight!" She ran up the stairs to the girls' dormitories, and disappeared out of sight.

Sirius stood up, and whacked James on the shoulder. James glared at him, rubbing his shoulder. "What the _bloody_ hell did you do that for?"

"You like _Lily!_" Sirius practically yelled.

James clapped his hand over Sirius's mouth and whipped his head around, making sure that no one was in sight. "Shut it, Sirius!" He glared at Sirius, who looked too cheerful for his own good. "And no, I do not. Now I must go to bed. Goodnight."

Sirius placed his hand firmly on James' shoulder, so that James couldn't move. Sirius exclaimed in a low whisper, throwing his one hand up into the air, "You're completely infatuated with Lily Evans, James!"

James shrugged out from beneath Sirius's grasp, and turned around. "For Merlin's sake, Sirius. Listen to yourself!"

Sirius laughed. "Don't you _'Merlin's sake'_ me, James! Just admit that you like her!"

James turned around, and said in a calm voice, "Of course I like her, Sirius. She's one of my very good friends. One of the first girls not to fall for me actually!"

"Which makes it _perfect_!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly.

James laughed, looking thoroughly amused. "You sound like a schoolgirl, Sirius. Come off it. Now, goodnight!"

Sirius dragged him back to the couch and pushed him down so that James was sitting on it again. Sirius sat down next to him.

"Man, Sirius, I didn't know you liked it rough," James commented dryly.

Sirius shook his head, rolling his eyes. "James, don't you realize what this _means_?"

James sighed. "Of course I know what it means. I've just never been the one for taking sex to the extreme—"

James ducked as Sirius aimed a punch at him. "I was _not_ talking about rough shagging, James, although, quite frankly, I have no idea why you're so against it. It's rather enjoyable."

James chose not to dignify Sirius's comment with a response.

"I was _talking_ about James Potter falling madly in love with one Lily Evans!" Sirius continued dramatically, holding both hands to his chest.

"Seriously, Sirius," James sighed. "If you make me roll my eyes one more time, I swear my balls are going to pop out."

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"My _eye_balls, Sirius," James said, suddenly exhausted. He rested his head against the couch, knowing that he wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere even if he was Sirius Black's best friend. He could practically feel his friend's excitement radiating off of him in giant waves. Waves that were unfortunately affecting the primary function of his brain: keeping his body alive.

"Alright, well maybe you're too immature for love," Sirius said thoughtfully, patting James's head. "You see, mate, you need to be mature – like me – you have to be _open_ to love. And when I say _open_, I mean—"

James cracked an eye open. "_You're _mature?" he asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius grinned. "See? Even you agree," he said, nodding to himself as if proud of an achievement.

"Sure," James said sarcastically. A few moments passed. "Wait, you've fallen in love?"

"Pfft," was the noise Sirius made. He pointed to himself. "This man here? Fall in love? Pfft," he repeated. "Why would I want to leave my heart in the proverbial cauldron so that some girl can skewer it?" Sirius didn't even give James time to think. "Which brings us back to...you."

James ran a hand through his hair.

"You like her, Prongs," Sirius said, his eyes almost gleaming.

James rolled his head over to look at Sirius. "Look, Sirius, even if it was what I think you think it means, hypothetically, Lily and I couldn't stand a chance. Hypothetically."

Sirius looked at him, his eyebrows raised. "Hypothetically, eh? James, what happened a few years ago with Snivellus-" his mouth curled down on one side, "- and you is over now."

James sighed. "Sirius, what happened _a few years ago_ is still happening now. I detest him. I can't _help_ but curse the guy when he's within a few feet of me. It's an instinct."

"And I admire you for that," Sirius said in a mock grave manner. "Truly I do," he said, placing a hand over his heart to show his supposed sincerity.

"Either way, Lily really feels bad for him, and used to be with him a lot in previous years."

Sirius's head shot up, and he turned slowly to face James, a gleam in his eyes.

One look at him, and James wanted to hightail it. "Oh no, I know that look. It's the look you usually have when you have a crazy idea about something. No, Padfoot, I don't want to know." James made to get up, but Sirius tugged him back down.

"Since when did you get so serious?" Sirius complained. Not waiting for an answer, he rushed on, "But listen, my idea is completely plausible."

James folded his arms over his chest and leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes. "I'm listening," he said reluctantly.

"Okay," Sirius said, sounding a little excited. "What if ... what if Snivellus had a little crush on Lily?"

At that, James opened his eyes and burst out laughing. Sirius looked affronted. "What?"

James' laughter subsided. "Be serious, here, Sirius. Snivellus? I can't even imagine the boy capable of feeling anything humane, or close to it, anyway. Whatever we are."

"But it's possible," Sirius insisted. "Maybe...maybe he told Lily or Lily found out, and she was so extremely insulted that she broke off their friendship." Sirius looked proud of himself. "Yes, that sounds like an excellent theory."

Silence fell over them as they pondered Sirius's theory.

Sirius straightened. "Or..._Or_, Lily returned his love, and the two decided it was too unsafe to be together!"

James merely looked at him. "Excuse me while I go throw up."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Either way, James, Snivellus is out of Lily's life, so far as I know. And let me assure you about one thing: I know a _lot._ You can get any girl in this school, so Lily Evans shouldn't be a problem," Sirius ended off with a shrug.

James turned to look at Sirius. "How many times am I going to say it? I don't like Lily Evans that way. And even if I did, it would make no difference. She thinks I'm a pompous rich git, who's in love with himself, Quidditch and girls."

Sirius looked at him, and asked seriously, "Well, aren't you?"

James grabbed the cushion next to him, and pummelled Sirius with it, which led to him falling onto the floor. James laughed. "That'll teach you to insult your best friend."

"You knew I was kidding though," Sirius grumbled. He plopped himself back onto the couch, and yawned. "But you know what I think?"

"_Do_ enlighten me," James said, fluttering his eyes.

Sirius rolled his eye. "I think that you should give up this thing about not liking Evans. You liked her last year, and the year before that, and _possibly _all the years before that, so why not now?"

James got up to got their dormitory. "Fine, I like her. Goodnight."

Sirius looked surprised. "What, no more denials? I'm touched you finally trust me to finally admit it!"

James ascended the stairs. He called over his shoulder, "I don't like her, but I'll say I like her just to stop you irritating me. So yes, I like her."

"_What_?"

"Goodnight, Sirius!"

James was about to disappear into their room when Sirius called out, "Wait, James! When is your grandmother coming?"

James teasing looking disappeared and a sombre one replaced it. "Two days from now."

Sirius nodded. "Okay...goodnight!"

_Next morning in the Great Hall:_

"I have a challenge for you," Dumbledore's voice rang out across the Great Hall. A hush fell over everyone, as they paid keen attention to Dumbledore's words. Only a few Slytherins carried on talking amongst themselves, not caring if their Headmaster was saying something important or not.

"I have a challenge for you," Dumbledore repeated, his eyes scanning his students' alert faces. "It seems that we as wizards and witches have become too reliant upon magic. We cannot understand the art of temptation unless it's in the form of greed, shrewdness, error in judgement, but magic?"

Confused expressions coloured a few students' faces; others had gotten used to Albus's bizarre speeches.

Dumbledore looked at his teachers behind him, and then back at the Hogwarts student body. "I am hereby banning the use of magic-" cries of outrage cut across his speech.

The distinct voices of James and Sirius could be heard."But that's bloody _outrageous!_" James cried out.

"Bollocks! What's the purpose of being in a school whose name is _Hogwarts School of __**Witchcraft **__ and __**Wizardry**_?_" _Sirius exclaimed.

Dumbledore looked at the two boys over his spectacles. "Thank you, Mr Potter and Mr Black."

His words didn't wipe the fuming expressions off the boys' faces.

"As I was saying, I am hereby banning magic _outside the classroom_." Dumbledore waited a while for his words to sink in. "It will just be for just a week or two." His eyes twinkled. "And, be warned, I will know if you violate the rules." He looked pointedly at the four boys seated at the Gryffindor table. James and Sirius looked straight back at him; Remus and Peter looked the other way.

"Alright! Off to bed with you!"

Down at the Gryffindor table, the four Marauders were mumbling and grumbling. James said to Sirius, "This is _not_ fair!"

Sirius looked back at his best friend. "Fair isn't the word, Prongs," he said, with a resigned sigh. The two left the Great Hall, their feet dragging on the floor. "I was planning on playing a prank on that insolent, little _boy_ from Ravenclaw!"

Remus's voice piped up behind them, "Are you talking about Craggus?"

Sirius looked at Remus over his shoulder. "So what if I am?" he replied defiantly.

Remus replied quite blandly, "That _boy_, as you choose to call him, is in the same year as us. I'm sorry if you have that kind of mentality to call a seventh year a mere boy."

James threw his arm around Remus, as they walked up the steps to the Gryffindor Tower. "Remus, Remus, Remus," he said in a pitying voice. "This is why you leave the thinking to Sirius and myself_ outside of the classroom_. You see, Craggus may be a seventh year, but he acts like a little, immature boy."

Remus cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, and I guess seventh years pulling _pranks_ on other innocent people isn't immature," he commented sarcastically.

Sirius said, "Of course it isn't!"

"Glad you understand, Remus!" James exclaimed, clapping Remus on the back.

Peter said quietly, "Yes, I think in the Muggle world there are people who are paid to play pranks on other people."

The three boys halted in their steps to look at their friend. "Uh, you okay, Peter?"

Peter looked puzzled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Sirius grinned wickedly. "Because you just said something that sounded intelligent."

James let out a laugh, and Remus merely shook his head, rolling his eyes.

It took a while for what Sirius said to dawn on Peter. "Hey! That was not nice!" He feebly tried to punch Sirius, but Sirius ducked, and Peter's hand connected with someone else's shoulder.

"Ouch!" a voice yelled out.

Peter was alarmed. "L-lily! I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you with that."

Lily Evans had dropped her books, and they all pooled around her. "No, no, I've got it," she said, as she bent to pick up her books.

Even though it wasn't called for, James had gotten down and picked up all of her books. He handed it to her with a wide grin. "Here you are, Lily."

Lily smiled back, tacking the huge stack of books from him. "Thanks, James. So I guess Dumbledore's new law must really have put a sock in it for you, huh?"

James looked confused. "Uh," James said intelligently, looking down at his feet. "Lily, I already have socks." He glanced at his friends, their puzzled faces matching his own.

Lily sighed, shaking her head. "Never mind. It's something Muggles usually say. What I meant to say was ..." she trailed as she thought how she could put her words in a more understandable sentence. "The new rule must really...irritate you ... seeing that you can't play pranks on anybody." She grinned teasingly as the five of them made their way to Gryffindor Tower.

Sirius stuck his chest out. "Who said you had to use _magic_ to play pranks on people?"

Lily simply laughed. James muttered the password and waited for Lily to step into the Common Room first, before following. Peter and Sirius raced each other up to their dormitory, whilst Lily sat on a couch in the corner of the room, a quill and a piece of parchment in her hand. Remus and James decided to play a game of wizarding chess.

After a while, James grew bored of the game, even though Remus was concentrating really hard on his next move. James' gaze slid over to where Lily was sitting hunched over the paper, and then back to his game. He dismembered one of Remus's pawns, and used a piece of it to throw it at Lily, aiming to miss.

Thankfully, he did miss, yet she still sent him a flower-withering glare.

"What are you doing?" James asked.

Remus rolled his eyes, and said under his breath. "Oh, come off it, James. She's probably _loaded_ with homework like the rest of us and instead of getting wheedled into a game with one of her best friends, she's deciding to do her homework now."

Before James could say anything, Lily said, "Oh, I'm just playing a game."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "_Or_ she's doing that," he said, clearing his throat.

James was looking at her. "By your_self_ ?"

Lily laughed. "Well, of course, James, you don't see Nearly Headless Nick here, do you?"

"Well, why don't you come play a game of chess with me, here? I'm sure Remus won't mind."

Remus looked like he minded a lot, seeing that he seemed more into the game than James himself, but he didn't say anything. He simply smiled at Lily, and stood up, offering her his chair.

"Oh, no, thank you, Remus," Lily said politely. "But I really must get to bed now. 'Night!"

-to be continued-

_**A/**_**N: I actually found this story whilst I was sifting through my documents...thought I'd post it. Should I continue?**


	2. Punishment

-PUNISHMENT-

Sirius threw a pillow at James.

Nothing.

Sirius picked up another pillow and threw it a bit harder at James' sleeping figure.

Nothing.

"Merlin! Wake up, Prongs!" Sirius yelled. Remus was putting on his robes and Peter was figuring out which shoe to put on which foot.

Remus sighed. "Might I suggest that you could actually prod him awake? Using your _hands_?"

Sirius was in his bed across from James. Sirius looked at Remus. "Yes, but that would require me getting _up_. And I _am_ using my hands. To throw stuff at him. Could you pass that pillow over there please?"

"No," Remus replied, straightening his robes whilst looking in the mirror.

Sirius nodded. "I agree. It's too soft of an object. Hmm, pass me that small pedestal over there, will you Remus?" Sirius asked. "I mean, I'd get it myself, but this stick is useless," he added, waving his wand around.

Remus didn't comply. Instead, he walked over to James, leaned down and screamed, "JAMES!"

James got up with a shock, yelling, "Lily! Don't worry! I'll save you!" he looked around him, and then raised his eyebrows. "Uh, I meant Sirius," he said lamely.

Sirius looked at him, smug. "Told you so."

Remus looked between the two. "Told him what? And James, why on earth did you call out Lily's name?"

James deflected both questions by asking one in return, albeit somewhat groggily, "Remus, why are you dressing up here and not in the Head Tower?"

"Good question," Remus replied. "It seems that our ... _water supply_... is, well, not there. So Lily is in the girls' dormitory. Which brings us back to ... Your dream?"

"What dream?" James asked innocently.

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius replied with a wicked grin, "James here has a little crush on Lily."

Remus laughed. Peter whirled around, holding up a shoe. "Lily? Lily _Evans?_" His mouth dropped open in shock.

James found the two pillows that were aimed at him, and he shot them back straight to the source. Sirius, as always, dodged.

"I don't like her!" he gritted between his teeth. "And brilliant! Now Peter knows! Or at least, he knows a weird and twisted lie! I mean, Peter can't even keep a secret."

"I can, too!" Peter said stubbornly, sticking out his chin.

Sirius merely looked at James. "James, you do know what you said was completely contradictory? How can a lie be a secret if it's not a lie?"

Remus looked impressed. "Not bad, Padfoot. That sounded almost profound."

Sirius sniffed. "I have my moments."

James slid his glasses on, stretched and got out of bed. "Well," he said, trying to stifle a yawn, "I'm hungry."

"Shocker," Sirius muttered.

"So I'm going down to eat. Classes start in...how long?"

His friends gave him weird looks. Remus said quietly, "James, it's Saturday."

James's eyebrows shot up. He tried to cover up, "Yeah, I knew that. I was talking about those classes that ..." he tried to think of a good excuse, "Oh, right! Those music and dance classes! Our school's having a concert of sorts in a couple of weeks. So, those classes."

Peter's eyebrows met together, his forehead crinkled with puzzlement "How does that concern you?"

"Right," was James' clever answer. His thoughts rushed around in his head, trying to come up with yet another good excuse. "I sometimes like going over to listen to their rehearsals. It's coming out bloody brilliantly, by the way," he added, tying to sound enthusiastic.

Remus folded his arms. "The rehearsals are closed to anyone who's not partaking in the performance. James, do you mind coming clean? Try not to insult us by lying."

James huffed, and sat down back on his bed. He buried his head in his hands. "What do I do?"

Sirius growled. "So it takes a few words from Remus to make you give in? It must have been the _I'm-disappointed-in-you_ look. That one's a killer."

"Sirius?" James asked, his head still buried in his hands.

"Yeah, mate?"

"Shut up."

"Anytime, mate."

Remus sat down next to James. "So you like her. What's the problem?"

"The problem, Remus, is that she is a _friend_," James said, pulling a hand through his already tousled hair.

"Your point?" Sirius asked, grinning. "Mate, I have hundreds of _friends_, and let me tell you one thing: they sure are friendly." He winked.

James sighed. "See, Sirius. That's your problem."

Remus nodded. Peter looked at the two of them, and not knowing what they were nodding at, nodded anyway.

"What is?" Sirius asked, getting out of bed, stretching.

"Those are once-off things. One-night things. One—"

"I believe the correct term is 'one night _stands_'," Sirius corrected.

James pursed his lips. "The point is, Prongs, that you do not commit."

"And why in the bloody hell would I want to tie myself down to one person?" Sirius asked, aghast.

"If I ever have a relationship with Lily, I want it to be a long-term relationship," James said, looking away. Sirius made a scoffing noise; James ignored him. "I _just_ established a friendship with Lily, and—"

"But that happened only three months ago," Peter interjected, struggling to see how James could have established such a strong friendship over that short period of time.

"I know," James said kindly to Peter. "And that first month was hell for me—"

"For all of us," Remus muttered dryly.

James shot him a grateful look. "And thanks for that. But even though Lily is now a good friend of mine – or so I'd like to think – any wrong thing I say or do..."James trailed off, grimacing. "Our friendship, although good, is hanging by a thread."

Sirius was shaking his head. "Mate, are you even _listening_ to yourself? You're talking about _commitment_, _friendship_...and all about and with a _girl_. Are you mental?"

James narrowed his eyes at Sirius. "She is not just a _girl_," he said in a low voice.

Sirius held up his hands in mock-surrender. "I am just voicing my thoughts here."

"Thoughts? I had no idea your brain had the mental capacity to produce thoughts," Remus commented, effectively closing the former conversation.

Sirius bit out a low growl.

* * *

James twirled his wand in his hand, looking at it with contempt. He was lying stretched out on his stomach next to his best friends. The four of them were relaxing under a tree – Remus was reading a book that was opened on his lap, Sirius was staring rather intently at the Black Lake, Peter was fiddling with his thumbs, and James ... James was _really_ hating his wand at the moment.

"Why don't they just lock us all up in Azkaban?" he snapped, startling Sirius. A couple of red sparks shot out of his wand, narrowly missing Peter's hair. "Whoops, sorry, Peter," James apologised in a gentler tone.

Sirius sighed. "James, I understand your dilemma, but roughly a thousand other students in this school are going through the same thing." When James didn't reply, but only continued to stare daggers at his wand, Sirius put on a cheerful voice and said, "You've got to do what the Muggles say, mate: _grin and bear it!_ Grin and bear it, I tell you!"

James looked up at his friend, concern written across his features.

Sirius shrugged, interpreting his look correctly. "Nah, I'm alright. Madame Rosmerta gave me a few Fire Whiskeys free of charge." (Remus _tut-tutted_.) Sirius ignored Remus and grinned impishly. "I'm starting to think that that lady has moved on from you to me, eh Prongs?"

When James' mouth still didn't flicker into a smile, Sirius faltered. A flame of red hair caught his eye and he turned around. "Aha!" he whispered excitedly.

James, not bothered to see what had intrigued Sirius so, continued to aimlessly twirl his wand through his fingers. He closed his eyes, and leaned against the bark of the tree. He felt Sirius tap his arm. "James," he said. James ignored him. Sirius tapped harder. "_James."_ James ignored him, but tried to shrug Sirius off. Sirius, noticing that James responded to him, started prodding him with his own wand, whilst saying, "James, I think you might want to see this."

James cracked an eye open, just to quieten down his best friend. Remus and Peter had overheard what Sirius had said, and turned their heads to the source of Sirius's focus. "Ah," Remus said quietly.

Peter looked quite confused, "What are we supposed to be looking at?" When no one answered, but continued to watch Lily Evans stalk away from the castle to the other side of the Black Lake, he asked enquiringly, "James?"

James was looking at Lily intently, watching the way she clutched her books tightly to her chest. As he was just about to start marvelling at her beauty, the rays of the sun picked up a sparkle sliding down her cheek. James straightened. He turned to face Sirius, and asked quickly, "Is she crying?"

Sirius frowned and squinted. "I don't know, mate. I can't really see that far."

"_Look!"_ James sounded frustrated.

Remus sighed, and closed his book, placing it gently on the soft grass next to him. "I think she is, James. Perhaps it's because of – "

But he was cut off as James leapt up from his position on the ground, his strides quickening as he made his way to Lily.

Sirius called from behind him, "James! I don't think that that's a wise decision! If you plan on getting her ... now's not the time to do it! If what Remus says is true, then Lily is to a certain extent vulnerable, and ..." Sirius's voice grew fainter and fainter as James drew further away from his friends. He briefly heard them bickering as to who would follow him. He knew who would win.

Even though he quickened his pace, James couldn't shake off Sirius next to him. He was like a faithful dog. The comparison that flitted through his mind halted his thoughts, and he stopped to look at Sirius. His boyish features, handsome, yet mischievous at the same time, seeped seriousness. "I'm coming with you," Sirius told James, as if it wasn't already obvious. James nodded, smiled a little, and set off again with Sirius at his side.

During their brief exchange, however, they hadn't noticed a tall figure making his way over to Lily. His oily hair shining in the sunlight, the sight repulsed James strongly, and unknowingly, he gripped his wand tightly. It was a long walk until James and Sirius would reach Lily, and by that time, Severus Snape would already have gotten to her. James started to jog.

Sirius kept up with him, but asked, "What are you doing?"

James shot a quick look at him, and replied stiffly, "He might _do_ something to her, Sirius!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "My theory, James! Remember my theory? Maybe they're secretly in love!"

A sound ripped through James, and he took off, leaving Sirius behind him. He tuned out the words Sirius was calling to him. For the time, they were meaningless. He focused instead on his arch nemesis.

Snape was walking slowly – hesitantly, almost – to where Lily was standing, facing the lake. Now that James was closer, he realized that Remus was right: Lily _was_ crying. Her shoulders were shaking, and he could see teardrops falling. Neither Lily nor Snape had noticed James' approaching figure. James didn't know whether he wanted to alert them of his presence, or keep them oblivious. Snape was now standing so close to Lily that she'd have to be pretending not to notice him.

Her lips moved, and James guessed she was talking to him. So the two were still friends, were they? The thought caused him to slow down, as something vile and acidic crawled through his body. Was it envy? He shook off the thought. Snape said something in return, and to James' surprise and horror, more tears fell from Lily's eyes. James' eyes narrowed. So _Snivellus _was the cause of Lily's sadness!

Lily was looking down at the ground, and Snape was standing next to her, reaching his hand out, as if to touch her.

James was walking now, Sirius long-forgotten.

"I _told _you that I didn't want to see you ever _again_, Severus! Just go away, and leave me _alone_. You have your '_friends'_ –" she laughed derisively when she came to the word 'friends' – "and I've got _mine_. So just ..." More tears fell, and James felt something tear in him at the sight of it.

"You are calling _Potter _and bloody _Black_ your friends?" Snape asked scathingly. James's grip on his wand tightened, subconsciously registering that he could not use it.

"They are _safe_," Lily whispered shakily, and James had to strain his ears to hear her.

"Safe!" Snape repeated. "Are you forgetting that they hurt you? Hurt _me_?"

Lily didn't say anything, and James briefly wondered if this was a good or a bad thing.

Snape touched her shoulder, and Lily stiffened at the contact. "But Lily, I still want us to be – "

James had had enough. "Didn't you hear what the lady said, _Snivellus?_" he called out, startling them both. Lily jumped away from Snape, and looked half-gratefully, half-fearfully at James.

"Were you eavesdropping, _Potter_?" Snape asked scathingly.

He drew out his wand, pointing it at Snape, "Will you _never_ learn your lesson, Snivellus?" Before Snape could respond, James yelled, "_Levicorpus!"_

Before James' spell could take full effect, however, Lily dived in front of Snape, hastily pulling out her wand, and yelled, _"Protego!"_

James was stunned that Lily had deflected the spell that was meant for Snape. Yes, he answered his earlier question, it _was _probable indeed. Snape was looking at her with wonder, but he soon cleared his face of all emotion. Without even a word of thanks, he stalked off to the castle, his cloak blowing in the wind.

Lily stared down at her wand in shock.

"JAMES!" came Sirius's yell from behind him. James whirled around to face Sirius who looked almost as shocked as Lily. Did it honestly take all that time for Sirius to arrive here? James ignored the thought, and processed the alarm on Sirius's face.

"What?" he asked, confused.

Sirius was gesturing wildly. "You _used_ your wand!"

Comprehension dawned upon James. He looked at Lily, realizing that she was grasping the fact that she had used magic _outside the classroom_ when she wasn't allowed to. James looked down at his wand in horror, waiting for it to burst into flames or something.

When nothing happened after a good few minutes, he and Sirius started to laugh.

"So you mean the old nutter was lying?" Sirius asked, between guffaws.

"It does seem so!" James yelled, laughing, punching fists with Sirius.

James was about to wave his wand about again, when a sudden, invisible force blasted him away from Sirius, his wand cart wheeling in the air out of his grasp. He landed hard on his behind, his glasses turned askew, staring wildly around him. He discovered that something similar had happened to Lily – she was rubbing her behind with a grimace upon her face, and her wand was a few feet away from her.

Sirius looked shocked. He crept forward to where James was still sitting and held out a hand to help him up. "Did you do that?" Sirius asked, as James took his hand.

James shook his head, and walked to where Lily was still sitting. He held out his hand to her, but she glared at him angrily, her earlier gratitude wiped clear off her face. "James Potter! If you have gotten be _suspended_, I will curse you into – "

"Well, technically, you won't. What with your wands and all – " Sirius was saying conversationally but stopped when Lily hissed, and stalked forwards until she was but a breath away from James.

"I will be _very_ angry with you, James, let me assure you, if you get me expelled! I am _Head_ _Girl_!" she growled into his face.

James was battling to process her words as the very smell of her rendered him senseless. With her red hair blowing in the wind, her mouth turned down into a livid scowl, and her lovely green eyes ... although rimmed red due to her crying, they had an angry glint in them, and although they looked rather scary, she looked quite ... sexy.

Sirius coughed subtly, yet deliberately, effectively pulling James out of his reverie. Was James' fascination with Lily's beauty that obvious? Apparently so.

Attempting to cover up, he scoffed slightly. He looked deep into Lily's eyes, and asked softly, "Then who asked you to defend Snivellus, eh, Lily?"

Lily blushed and looked away, saying, "That's – How can you – That isn't the point, James! You were about to curse him!"

"It's not a curse," Sirius intercepted. "There's a simple counter-spell. Old Snivellus wouldn't have been harmed in any way – maybe his pride, but nothing else."

Before Lily could argue further, they heard a screech from above them. They automatically looked up, but the glaring sun wiped out their field of vision. They quickly looked down at the ground, blinking furiously, attempting to regain their focus.

"Oh no," James heard Lily whisper weakly.

"Nah, it'll be alright," James said cheerily.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

James, noticing, grinned. "How much longer are you going to be angry with me for, eh, Lily?"

Lily rubbed her forehead. "Give me ten minutes."

"I'll give you nine," James said, grinning.

"James," Lily said, in a warning tone. She was about to say something else, when there was another screech, this time sounding much closer to them.

James looked up at the sky, noticing two owls.

"Ah, here comes the punishment," Sirius commented. "And for once, I'm not involved this time."

"Don't cry about it," James said consolingly, patting Sirius on the back. "There'll be plenty more opportunities that shall willingly present themselves."

One of the owls perched itself on James's shoulder, sticking out its leg. James twisted around, taking the letter off the owl's leg.

He opened it, and Sirius read over his shoulder.

_Dear Mr Potter_

_For your violation of Section A, subsection 2-b, of the school's code of conduct, I am hereby confiscating your wand for three days._

_Hoping you are well._

_Professor Dumbledore_

"Hmm," James said. "This puts a damper on things."

"I'll say," Sirius muttered. "Now you can't help prank Craggus _in_ class."

James looked up, hearing Lily whimper slightly. "Lily, are you –?"

"Three days," she whispered, her face a mask of shock. "Three _whole_ days."

"Yeah, but it will be alright—" Sirius started, walking forward.

She glared at them – which in itself was a feat well-accomplished. It could be extremely difficult trying to glare at somebody whilst still feeling incredibly shocked. "I have an _exam!_ An exam in Advanced Charms! Which _neither_ of you take, so you would _not_ know that it is _extremely_ hard, and that you need a –"

"Wand?" Sirius completed.

James elbowed him. Even _he_ knew that was just pushing it. "Use someone else's," he suggested.

"The wand won't perform that brilliantly, though," said Remus. He had come to join them, with Peter tagging along.

Lily pursed her lips. She closed her eyes, her shock slipping off her face. When she opened them two seconds later, her face had gone completely blank. She stared levelly at James. "I am angry with you, James. Very angry," she said slowly.

"But Lily—"

"Ten days, James," she simply said, and walked away quickly, but not before James saw a hint of sadness slip into her face.

"I'll give you nine," James said softly, staring after her.

-to be continued-

_**A/**_**N: Thanks so much for the support : ) a huge (virtual) slab of chocolate to all of you**


	3. Shut the bloody hell up, Sirius

-SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP, SIRIUS-

"In all fairness, the spell _was_ unnecessary," Remus said, sighing as he looked at James. James was sitting on the couch, his head buried in his palms.

"Remus," Sirius said, his hand drawing soothing patterns onto James's bent back. "I honestly do not think that James needs to hear that right now."

"_Thank_ you," James muttered.

"I mean," Sirius continued, "Sure we _know_ that it was unnecessary, and yes, it was _completely _inappropriate, and of _course_ casting a humiliating spell upon one of Lily's friends was definitely asking for trouble, and before you even mention it, Remus, we already know that James knew what he was doing – he was just not thinking. The idea hadn't occurred to him that casting that spell would rock the proverbial boat of friendship he shares with Lily, but James really doesn't need to hear all of that –"

"Shut the bloody hell up, Sirius," James said in a low voice, shrugging Sirius's hand off his back.

"I was merely pointing out –" Sirius began.

"Sirius," Remus said in a warning tone.

Sirius sighed. "Fine."

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the only people left in the Common Room, and not one of them knew what to do or say. Remus shifted in his seat, thinking up reasons as to why, exactly, Thestrals originated in western Asia. Peter fidgeted with his fingers. He held his hand up against the light from the candles. He then held up his other hand. _Remarkable_, he thought, completely in awe. _They are exactly alike!_ Marvelling at this phenomenon, he proceeded to find out if the theory applied to his feet as well.

Sirius, who was looking rather confused at what Peter was doing, snapped, "Peter, what in the name of balls-less Salazar are you doing?"

Peter started, dropping back to his position of sitting from having his feet in the air, wiggling his toes about. "I, uh," he began nervously. He swallowed, and then held up both of his hands. "Did you know that both of my hands are exactly alike?"

Sirius widened his eyes. His lips parted ever so slightly. "You mean..." he said in a whisper, trailing off, licking his lips. "You mean...there are five fingers on _each_ hand?"

"Leave Peter alone, Sirius," Remus chided, when Sirius started grinning and Peter looked away, hurt evident in his features.

"Sorry, Wormtail," Sirius apologised, thumping Peter on the back. "But you make it so _easy_."

"Sirius," Remus said slowly.

"Yes, I'm being completely serious, Remus," Sirius said, nodding. "I mean, just look at the boy. Of all the animagi to choose from, he chooses a _rat_. A rat, I say!"

"But _you_ said it was a good idea!" Peter exclaimed, deeply offended. "_You_ said that we all needed someone – some_thing_ small enough to get the knot on the tree! _You _said that—"

"Yes, yes, I know what I said," Sirius said, waving Peter's words off with a wave of his hand.

"Would you rather him have chosen a bunny, Sirius?" Remus asked.

Sirius turned his head, analysing Peter. Peter shifted nervously under Sirius's intense scrutiny. "Hmm," Sirius said, tilting his head.

"Hmm, what, Sirius?" Remus asked.

"You know how they say your Animagus suits your personality?"

Remus nodded hesitantly, not too sure where Sirius was heading.

"I mean, bunnies...well, _bunnies_..." he trailed off, grinning widely at Peter.

Remus rolled his eyes, turning back to his essay. "Shut it, Sirius," he said quietly, knowing how sensitive Peter could get.

"Fine. I get it. Shutting up right now."

A minute later...

Sirus looked around the empty common room, trying to find something to entertain him. His gaze swivelled back to Peter, who was now critically examining his feet. Sirius grinned, opening his mouth to say something, when Remus cleared his throat pointedly. Sirius looked over at him.

"Look, mate, as much as I love you, and as sexy as I am, I urge you to stop staring at me like that. Don't you have something else to do other than watch my every single, sexy move?" Sirius said, frowning.

"And here I was," Remus began dryly, "wondering why on earth I was starting to feel suffocated. Your ego is taking up most of the space here."

Peter laughed weakly, grateful that Remus had insulted Sirius.

Sirius blinked. "Uh, sorry, Moony, but I'm struggling to see how that's an insult."

Remus sighed. He waved his wand over his books, and a second later all of his books stacked on top of each other, each opened at the page pertaining to Thestrals.

Sirius, bored at Remus's showy display of intelligence turned back to the task at hand: finding something to do. He cast a sideways glance at James, who hadn't uttered a single word since he had told his best friend rather unkindly to shut the bloody hell up. Sirius himself, couldn't believe how pointless James's moping was. But being the wonderfully amazing person he was, he tried to distract James from thinking of Lily.

"Hey, so James! One more sleep left!" Sirius said.

James looked up warily. "Until what happens?"

"Mate, your grandmother is—"

Realisation dawned mercilessly upon James. He pulled a hand through his hair, leaning back into the couch. "Merlin, this day just keeps on getting worse and worse."

"If you had to ask me—" began Sirius.

"Which I'm not," James said.

"If you had to ask me," Sirius repeated, ignoring James, "it's not considered day when the moon is out."

"Shut it, Sirius! I'm trying to be serious!" James exclaimed, tired of Sirius's antics.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at James. "Well, good luck with trying, Prongs. I' m the best Sirius around!"

James gritted his teeth. "Sirius, seriously, that joke is old now."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Argh!"

"If it's that bad, James, why don't you avoid her at all costs?" Remus suggested.

"At all costs?" James repeated. "At a cost to my mental being, you mean?" He shook his head. "Avoiding that woman is close to impossible."

"We live in a world that defies possibility at every turn, James," Remus said, smiling softly.

"And you also have that thing," Sirius said, nodding.

"What thing?"

"That thing, man," Sirius said, answering James.

"What _thing_?"

"That thing thing, James!" Sirius said, getting impatient.

"What. Thing?"

"That thing that makes you go all...thing!" Sirius cried, gesturing wildly.

"Sirius, you are pissing me off," James said slowly.

"He means the Invisibility Cloak," Remus said, shaking his head at Sirius's deliberate stupidity.

"So you're saying—" James started.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Sirius said nodding, clearly proud of himself.

"—that I must wear the cloak in the Great Hall, in class, in our own Common Room, in the hallways, on the Quidditch field, in the bath—"

Sirius eyebrows shot up. "Tell me you're joking," he pleaded.

"I'm her only grandson," James said by way of explanation.

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest. "Ahem," he said pointedly, feigning offense.

"You don't count, Sirius," James said, rolling his eyes. "_Biologically_, I'm her only grandson. And, besides, you only moved in last year."

"Do you regret it?" Sirius asked, smirking as if he already knew the answer.

James shook his head disbelievingly, yet a small smile played on his lips. "I'd be lying if I said no."

"Back to the real world," Remus said, interrupting the two friends' moment of happiness, even though he allowed himself a small smile.

"Jealous, Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus smiled, knowing that it was a lost case with Sirius. "Well, if it's that impossible to avoid her, James, then why don't you go up to her, go through all the formalities, but say that, as much as you'd like it, you can't spend her whole stay with her because you're busy, being in your seventh year and all."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Is someone paying you ten thousand galleons for every comma that you use?"

"Shut it," James told Sirius, hitting him (playfully) on the back. "And I cannot just tell Arminta Potter that I don't have time for her."

"Who's Arminta Potter?" Peter asked, looking utterly confused.

Sirius rolled his eyes, sending out a hand to smack Peter. He ignored Peter's yell of "_Ow!"_ and answered, "James's _grandmother_, Peter. Honestly, keep up."

"_Oh_."

The four Marauders fell into a deep silence. James knew that he had no escape route, and was about to cry out in frustration. Sirius sensed this and said the first craziest thing that came to his head.

"Hey, do you know what Americans call love bites?"

His question seemed to work. James, his curiosity briefly triggered, looked up at Sirius, waiting for him to answer his own question.

Remus looked at him wearily.

Peter had his I-am-thoroughly-confused expression down to perfection. _What the hell was a love bite? _

Sirius grinned. "Hickey."

"Hickey?" James repeated, trying the word out.

"Yip, hickey," Sirius said, nodding.

"Good to know," Remus said slowly.

"I don't understand how that's funny," James said after a second, his eyebrows pulling together.

"It's not," Sirius said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Just wait for it," he said, as he watched Peter. He motioned for the others to do the same. They all silently observed the oblivious Peter, who had his eyes scrunched up as he tried to figure something out. Sirius could practically hear the buzzing sound coming from Peter's brain when he tried to think.

"Wait for it..." Sirius murmured. "Five, four..." Sirius said, counting down as they all watched Peter. "...two, one."

Peter looked up, as if on cue, a question ready on his tongue. "I don't get it. What's a love bite?"

James smiled briefly at Peter's innocence, whilst Sirius cackled madly. James shook his head, deciding to feed Sirius some of his own medicine. "A love bite, Peter, is something Sirius does to himself using a vacuum cleaner attachment to make it look as if someone fancies him," James replied, sharing a smile with Remus.

Sirius looked highly affronted. "I have no idea what the bloody hell a va-fume cleaner is, but what you said is a LIE!"

"It's a Muggle contraption," Peter supplied, grinning at James's insult. "And it's a va_cuum_ cleaner."

Sirius eyes were wide as saucers. He pointed at Peter accusingly. "How is it that _you_ know what a v—whatever that thing is, and I don't?"

Remus smiled, amused at Sirius. "You know how fascinated Peter is about the Muggle world, Padfoot."

Sirius harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest angrily. "I don't care. I get my love bites the proper, natural, sexually pleasing way. James is just jealous."

James had been laughing but sobered up immediately. "Lily," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Ah," Remus said. He looked back at his school work splayed across the worktop, and decided that he probably wouldn't be able to get any work done that evening. With a wave of his wand, his items packed themselves up neatly, waiting to be taken away. He stowed his wand away, and went to sit on the carpet in front of James.

"Don't you dare say 'don't worry', Moony," James warned.

Remus bit his lip. "I wasn't going to," he said truthfully. "But a girl like Lily takes time. Just don't push it."

"Now why didn't _I _think of saying that?" Sirius asked himself.

James was sitting quietly by himself in the common room – the other Marauders had retired to bed – doing his homework. He bit the end of his quill as he tried to figure out whether it had been in the twelfth or thirteenth century when goblins had declared war on wizards. His train of thought was brought to a screeching halt when he heard the portrait open. He was about to snap at the person for distracting him from writing an essay he had spent all of a full minute writing, when he noticed who it was walking in.

One look, and he could tell that she was still angry with him. Agreed, it had only been – James looked at his watch – two hours since the whole wand-episode, but this really was unnecessary.

"Lily—" he began.

"Not interested," she said, immediately dropping her bag at the portrait door, shaking her hair out. She looked at him, her green eyes sparkling with an emotion he could barely decipher.

James's eyes widened. He stood up slowly, turning to face her. Was this the moment when she would run into his arms, clutching his body close to hers, not wanting to let go? Was this the moment when she would declare her love for him? Was this the moment when she would tell him that she didn't _care_ about her wand, that she wasn't at all angry with him—

"I want you to know that I care a lot about my wand, and that I'm _extremely_ angry with you," she said, a quiet rage creeping into her voice.

_Well there goes that theory_, James thought mildly.

"Okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders, trying to act as if he didn't care.

Surprise crossed her features. "Okay?" she repeated. "You're okay with that?"

James nodded. "I understand that you're angry with me, and I completely deserve to be punished."

She frowned. "I'm not punishing you, Potter."

"Of course you are. Actually, you're _doubly _punishing me. Number one," he said, holding up one finger, "with your anger directed at yours truly, and number two," holding up a second finger, "by calling me by my surname."

She narrowed her (exquisite) eyes. "Surely the first one would justify the second," she said in clipped tones, the frown vanishing.

James smiled slightly, trying his hardest to push some of his well-known sexiness into the smile. "So you're admitting that you're punishing me."

"I was not."

"Was, too."

"I was not."

"Was, too."

"I – Oh, dear Merlin, stop playing childish games!"

She began walking around the room, looking under desks, behind books, under cushions...for something.

"What are you looking for, Evans?" he asked, deliberately using her surname.

She straightened up from her bent position, dropping the cushion to the floor. "Now why are _you_ calling me by my surname?"

"Irritating, isn't it?" James asked, smirking.

Her eyes flashed. "I did _not_ say that I found it irritating." She resumed her search.

"Nevertheless...you don't particularly like it," James said conversationally, slowly walking towards her.

She ignored him.

James ignored the fact that she had ignored him.

And Lily was ignorant of the fact that James ignored the fact that she had ignored him. Well, she was, until he repeated his question, "What are you looking for?"

"Something," she muttered, too frustrated to insert annoyance into her tone.

"Really?" James asked, his voice sounding oddly much closer. She ignored this, persisting in her search. "Because I thought you were looking for nothing. You know, I hear that it's frustratingly difficult to look for nothing, because nine times out of ten, you don't often find it."

"You know what's frustrating, James?" she asked, lifting up a stack of books to look under it. She immediately cursed herself for letting his name slip from her mouth.

"Ah! You couldn't go long without reverting to my first name, _Evans_," he said, clearly pleased. Lily stiffened. Yes, he was definitely _much_ closer. She moved across the room, now painfully aware that James was following her.

"You're very frustrating," she said, answering her question.

"I hear it's part of the charm," James responded. She bent down to pick up a cushion – of course, she had absolutely no idea that she was supplying James with a good view of her bottom.

"What charm?" she said easily, dropping the cushion; nope, it wasn't there either.

"Ouch," James said, though she could hear him smiling.

Lily ignored him.

James ignored the fact that she had ignored him.

And Lily was ignorant of the fact that – actually, no she wasn't. Because at that very precise moment, James stepped from behind her to in front of her, planting himself in her way. Lily glared up at him. It was extremely difficult to come off as intimidating when you were practically a head shorter than your intended audience, but Lily prided herself in the knowledge that she had perfected the art of intimidation.

Unfortunately, James didn't look that intimidated. On the contrary, he had that stupid grin pulling at his adorable – _what the bloody hell? – _at his _stupid_ mouth. She raised her eyes to meet his. Lily allowed herself a mental smile. (How does one smile _mentally_, you might ask? Well, don't ask – Lily just knows how to do it.) James made it so easy to read him. His whole life lay in his eyes, and Lily was grateful for this small vulnerability. She hated it when boys tried to act mysterious. She hated it when _anybody_ tried to act mysterious.

But this mental smile was wiped off her mental face at James's next words. "Let's be friends," he suggested. This childish statement uttered in a manly voice would have sounded odd to the random passerby, but to Lily it sounded normal. And that was what perturbed her. The normality of it.

"Again," he added, seeing the battle in her eyes.

"Time, James, I need time," she reminded him quietly, trying to call on the earlier incident that resulted in her anger.

"To be fair, I gave you six-and-a-half years," he said, that stupid smile pulling at his lips again.

"Then a couple of days won't make a difference," she said, attempting to manoeuvre around him. He stepped in front of her, closing off her escape.

"It makes a difference to me," he murmured. "Have you any idea how much I want you as a friend?"

Lily pursed her lips. "I think you made it quite obvious when you would ask me out every day for the past six-and-a-half years," she commented dryly.

"Two things," James said, smiling _again_. "Number one, asking you out does not imply that I wanted to be friends with you; it implied much more than that." Here, Lily blushed, but she hoped James would put that down to her anger. "And number two, I haven't asked you out for the past three months."

Lily looked at him silently, not trusting herself to say anything.

"Want to know why?" he asked, letting go of her shoulders, knowing that she wouldn't leave...yet.

"Why?" and here, Lily was proud of herself that her tone sounded strong and offhand.

"Because we were _friends_, and that was enough for me."

"Oh," Lily said intelligently, hating the compassion that flooded her body.

"Oh indeed," James said, visibly relaxing. "So we're ... okay, now?"

"Do you mean to say," Lily began, as something clicked in her head, "that you still want to...want to..." She didn't know how to complete the sentence.

"Go out with you?" James asked, grinning. He walked away from her, back to his homework by the couch.

He didn't wait for her to nod – he knew that was what she wanted to ask. "Well, of course, Evans."

He didn't hear her catch her breath. He didn't see the shock on her face. He didn't see her blush. By the time he had looked up from his essay – a whole ten seconds later – she had put her poker face back on. "So we're friends, then?" he asked, though he remained confident that he was out of the doghouse – no offense meant to Sirius.

He saw her shoulders tense. "Just a few days, James." James sighed. "My exam...it's one of the most important I have this year."

"Slughorn likes you, though," James said, trying to grasp at loose straws. "Ask him to postpone your exam."

"But that's asking for special treatment," she said, frowning.

"Given the circumstances..." James said.

Lily shook her head. "No, I can't do that. I'll just have to...grin and bear it."

James felt his eyebrows pull together. "Why would you grin?"

"Muggle saying, James," she said, sighing. She resumed her search, and five minutes later, she let out a long breath.

"James, have you seen my History of Magic textbook? I left it here last night."

"Oh, yeah, sure," James said, reaching forward to pick up a book amidst his pile of books. He handed it to her.

She narrowed her eyes. "Why didn't you say anything?" she all but growled. "I've been looking for this the _whole day!_"

"My dear non-friend," James said amicably. "If you wouldn't ask, and if you wouldn't answer when _I_ asked, then how was I supposed to know?"

"_Ugh_!" Lily yelled, stomping her way out of the Common Room, leaving a grinning James behind.

-to be continued-

**So what do you think?**


	4. Get lost, little boy

-GET LOST, LITTLE BOY-

"Sirius, don't you even dare think about it." The effect of James's threat was ruined by the fact that he was still half asleep.

"Why do you have to know me so well?" Sirius whined, putting the big cushion back down.

"It's not really a case of knowing you _too well_ if it's customary for you to wake me up every morning by throwing something at me," James muttered drily, sliding his glasses on. He stretched, glancing around the all but empty room. "Hey, where's Peter?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I think our dear Peter wants to take part in that delightful concert our school wishes to embarrass itself with," Sirius commented, getting out of bed and slipping on his slippers.

James nodded, and then looked down at Sirius's slippers. "Sirius, why do you insist on wearing slippers?"

Sirius frowned. "Because we're _men_, James! And men need to take care of their..." Sirius trailed off, searching for the appropriate word.

"Feet?" James filled in, looking thoroughly puzzled.

"No!" Sirius cried out indignantly. He paused. "Well, yes, amongst other things."

"But _slippers, _Sirius?"

Sirius's nostrils flared, and he stalked over to James's bed. James, used to Sirius's antics, didn't bat an eye. "What do you have against my _slippers?_" Sirius snarled.

James blinked. "Sirius, they're _pink_."

-X-

"I heard they had lace on them, too," Remus commented, a hint of a smile upon his face. He sat on one of the big armchairs, waving a wand over his work checking for spelling errors.

Sirius jumped up from his place on the carpet. "Are you doubting my masculinity, Remus Lupin?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Remus held his hands up in mock surrender. "I am sure, Sirius _Black_, that there are many...manly men out there who use pink slippers."

Sirius crossed his arms (making sure to flex his biceps as he did so), satisfied.

"I just don't know any of them," Remus added.

Sirius immediately uncrossed his arms. He pointed a stern finger at Remus accusingly. "Are you saying that I'm not manly?"

"Of course you are," Remus replied smoothly.

Sirius's eyes bulged. "You don't believe I'm manly!" he yelled.

Remus sighed.

Before he could say anything, Sirius tore off his shirt, much to the delight of a group of sixth-year girls standing huddled in the corner of the common room. They giggled.

Remus shook his head disbelievingly. "Sirius, what are you –"

"You see this?" Sirius asked, pointing at his body. Remus shook his head helplessly. "_This_ is pure perfection. Pure, _manly_ perfection. Something that you are _not_ familiar with!"

"Honestly, Sirius, you're being stu—"

"Manly perfection I say!" Sirius exclaimed. As if to prove a point, he strode over to the group of girls, and bent down to latch his lips onto a blonde. The girl clutched Sirius's bare shoulders desperately, as she moaned loudly against his lips.

Remus grimaced.

"Insulted his masculinity again, Remus?"

Remus started. Having been distracted by Sirius's showy display of his masculinity, he hadn't noticed James coming in.

Remus smiled in response. "Not really."

James smirked. "Sometimes, Moony, you're not as innocent as you think."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm not a complete—"

"Tart?" James supplied.

"What? No. I'm not a complete—"

"Prude," James said, nodding.

"Stop it."

"Fuddy-duddy, prig, goody-goody, square –"

"James, why are you using words which are associated with women?"

James grinned. "I'm quite sure 'square' applies to both genders, Moony."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Your insults don't work with me, James," he said in a tired voice, returning to his work.

"Is that a challenge?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Speaking of challenges," Remus said, "how's Lily?"

James shrugged. "How should I know?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Says the boy who's utterly infatuated with her."

"Where's Peter?" James asked, completely ignoring Remus's question. James frowned when he noticed the corner of Remus's lips lift up into a smile. "Stop that."

The smile stretched further.

"Remus," James said slowly, a warning evident in his tone.

"I thought you were over your denial, James?"

"I am," James snapped.

"Then why won't you—"

"She doesn't return my feelings, Moony," James said, almost sad.

"That's never stopped you before," Remus remarked reasonably.

"But _now_ she's my friend!"

Remus held up his hands in mock-surrender. "Okay, okay. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

"_What_ is it with you and judging other people's sexual preferences, Remus!"

Remus ran a tired hand through his hair. "Sirius," he replied, not looking up at the bare-chested man. "I thought that you were otherwise occupied."

"That was me proving a point, Moony! But this...this is going too far!"

Remus pulled his head up to look at Sirius. His lips were quite swollen, and his hair stood up all over the place. "What have I done this time?"

"First you think that I'm not masculine enough, and now—" here, he pointed at James who sat unfazed on the couch, "—_now_ you're saying that James is wearing bloody KNICKERS?"

Comprehension hit Remus. "Ah. No, no, Sirius. That was merely a Muggle expr—"

Sirius stalked over to wear Remus was sitting calmly. "That is a load of bogwash, my dear," he said, his smile turning devilishly evil. "Do you want to know what I think?"

"I think it's safer not to know, quite frankly," Remus had the gall to say.

"I'll tell you what I'm thinking!" he yelled, glaring at Remus.

One second.

Ten seconds.

Thirty seconds.

Forty seconds.

"Sirius, you haven't told me anything yet," Remus said, sighing, looking resignedly at the wild man standing before him.

Sirius let out a cackle.

Remus looked at James. "Is he—"

James shook his head, grinning. "He's fine."

"It should be assumed, Remus, what I was going to say," Sirius said in a deathly soft voice.

"Really, now."

Sirius jerked his head. "Really."

One second.

Ten seconds.

Thirty –

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Sirius! Could you just spit it out already!" Remus exclaimed, frustrated.

"I'm sorry, but I just cannot do that," Sirius said, turning his back (dramatically) on Remus.

Remus felt his eyebrows pull his skin into crinkles. "Sirius, you can't just –"

Sirius whirled around to face Remus. "Oh, but I can! I can and I will!"

"Uh-huh," Remus replied, seriously giving thought to his friend's sanity.

"You might have an expression of complete unfazed-ness on your face, Remus," Sirius continued (Remus thought it safe not to mention that there was no such word as 'unfazedness' at this point), "but inside I know you're ripping yourself to shreds."

"Right," Remus replied, not knowing what Sirius was going on about.

"Because," Sirius The Dramatist went on, "you are wondering what on earth I was thinking that had made me so very angry."

Remus licked his lips. The first thing he was going to do when he left the Gryffindor Tower was to head up the Owlery to write a note to Madam Pomfrey. "That is exactly how I feel, Sirius," Remus said, humouring Sirius.

Sirius smirked. "I know. Now, I want you to use this lesson to teach you how to treat your very, very manly friends in the future."

With that he made a theatrical exit by swishing his arms around him and heading towards the boys' staircases. Or, at least, what he thought was the boys' dormitories.

"GAH!" came Sirius's exclamation as he slid down the staircase-turned-slide. He landed very ungraciously on his bottom, yelling a stream of expletives.

Remus and James laughed. Sirius shot them a death glare, stood up and headed off in the right direction.

"Think about what I was going to say," Sirius said rather unwisely .

Once he had disappeared, Remus turned to face James. "What in the name of Godric's sword was that all about?"

"You know when he was going to tell you what he thought?" James asked, an amused smile tugging on his lips.

"Yes..." Remus replied, not too sure where this was heading.

"He was stalling. He didn't have anything to say."

-X-

Peter bit at his nails. James watched the poor boy acting so frazzled that he seemed to be sweating in all kinds of ... disturbing and unusual places. Peter's eyes were darting all over the place as he all but tore the pages out of his History of Magic textbook as he paged through it. Well, _paged_ wouldn't be the word. He was acting as if the answer to world hunger was in the book.

Of course, the answer to world hunger is food, but Peter didn't know that.

James glanced at the clock. Two.

In the morning.

James was thoroughly bored, and not in the least bit exhausted. Remus had gone to bed early – something about being up early to do his Head Boy duties. James rolled his eyes. That werewolf needed a life.

And besides, tomorrow was Saturday!

Today, at least.

And Sirius ... Sirius hadn't come back from his midnight rendezvous yet, and honestly, James wasn't surprised. That's what happened when his masculinity was questioned.

So, really, James only had Peter for company.

Peter had his lips puckered, and he looked as if he was on the verge of tears. He threw his book on the floor, clearly frustrated.

James was startled from his musings, and looked over at Peter. "What happened, Wormtail?" James asked gently, from his place on the couch.

"I can't find it!" Peter wailed, throwing his head into one of the cushions.

"Find what?"

Peter lifted the cushion off his face. "The information!"

"What information?"

"The information!" Peter repeated.

"Yes, Wormtail, _which_ information?"

Peter pointed at his textbook. "_That _information!"

James bit back a grin. Peter's repetition was so innocent. "Oh?" James asked, teasing. "I thought you were talking about the other information."

Peter looked at him, his confusion etched into his forehead. "What? What other information?"

James sighed. They were going nowhere fast. "Peter, just tell me what information you need."

Peter shot a very distressed look at James. "James, I can't find it _anywhere_ in my textbook!" James nodded, urging the poor boy on. "In which year was the goblin war of 1667 fought?"

-X-

James was just telling his fellow Quidditch player about the new techniques he had thought up, when he was interrupted by an icy voice, "James."

James stilled. His friend shot him an _I-pity-you_ look, and turned away from James, starting up another conversation with a friend who didn't have a person breathing fire down his neck. James plastered a smile on his face that had had many girls swooning in the past, and turned around. "Lily! Why don't you come join us for breakfast?"

As always, Lily looked so bloody beautiful that it made James's resolution to have her even stronger.

Pity she was angry.

She pulled him up by his tie so that he stumbled out of his seat at the Gryffindor table. She only let go of it when she was standing face to face with him.

Well, actually, face-to-chest...what with his height and all. She raised her head to look at him. "Thanks to you, I performed _extremely horribly_ for my Charms exam!" she hissed.

James's eyebrows shot up. "What? But –"

"I had to use one of the school's wands, James!" she carried on, anger evident in the frown on her face.

James didn't like the frown there.

"In my defence—" James started, but stopped when he saw the look on Lily's face. "Okay, fine, I have no defence."

"So I'm going to fail Advanced Charms, and I hope you're absolutely _thrilled_ about that!" And with that, Lily stalked out of the Great Hall, leaving a startled and very guilty James behind.

"So what are you going to do?" Sirius asked.

James turned to look at him, when he noticed that most of the school was looking at him. James glared at them, and took a seat next to Sirius. "I don't know," he said honestly, resting his head on the table.

"You do," Sirius stated.

"No, I don't," James said into the table.

"That's disgusting, James," Sirius said, sounding sickened. "You're putting all of your germs on the table."

James lifted his head far enough off the table to raise an eyebrow. "Oh really? If I'm not mistaken, _you_ came back to the tower after three hours of swapping germs with someone."

Sirius tilted his head. "That is an unfair accusation."

This time, James lifted his head completely off the table. "How so?"

"It was three and a _half_ hours."

James sighed.

"You would know if you got back into business," Sirius said, grinning. "You wouldn't even need to play Quidditch anymore, with the amount of exercise being done."

James winced. "I am seeing things—"

"Good," Sirius beamed. "Maybe you'll become a prophet!"

James narrowed his eyes. "I am seeing things I really don't want to see."

Sirius shook his head. "Now that's where you're wrong. You _need_ to see these things, Prongs! How else can you achieve satisfaction?"

James groaned. "Sometimes, Sirius," he muttered, "things would be a lot less awkward and disturbing if you just didn't speak."

Sirius was about to retort, when a small boy came up to them. The boy was about to open his mouth, when Sirius drawled, "Get lost, little boy."

"Sirius!" Remus admonished.

The boy looked startled.

Sirius waved off Remus's exclamation. "Don't worry. I've got this."

"That's what I'm worried about," Remus muttered under his breath.

Sirius turned to face the boy. "Look, we don't know where your mother is."

The boy's eyebrows shot up. "But she's at home."

Sirius rolled his eyes, pursing his lips. "Fine, then. Is it your father then?"

The boy shook his head, looking utterly confused. "No, it's not my f—"

"How about your sister?"

"No...um, she's sitting at the Ravenclaw table." The boy threw a confused look at James, and James shrugged helplessly.

"Your pet owl then?" Sirius persisted.

"I don't have an – " the boy started, and then shook his head, realising that this interrogation was pointless. "I was sent here by–"

"Do not say God!" Sirius exclaimed. "You're not like those wannabe angels, right? My darling idiotic twit, God doesn't send us any angels. We were put on this planet to serve a purpose: live and screw, and what's important about this is –"

"No," said the boy, effectively cutting off Sirius from taking a Sex Education class at the Gryffindor eating table. "I need to give something to Mr Potter," he said in a rush, hoping that Sirius wouldn't cut him off again.

"Get on with it then," Sirius sighed, turning back to the table. He was met by surprised looks by most of his friends. He shrugged. "Moony, pass me the salt would you?"

James smiled at the boy. "Sorry about that. He gets a bit..." James trailed off, searching for the right word.

The boy raised his eyebrows, waiting for James to continue.

"Uh, he just gets a bit," James finally said. The boy nodded, clearly not understanding what James meant. James sighed. "What is it that you wanted to give me?"

The boy handed him a letter, and James quickly scanned it, not noticing the boy running away from the bizarreness that was the Marauders. By the end of the letter, James's mouth was hanging open, and alarm bells were going off excruciatingly loudly in his head. He swayed on his feet, feeling dizzy.

"James?" Remus asked. "Are you al—"

"Bad news, Remus. Very bad news."

-to be continued-

_**A/**_**N: So can anyone guess what the bad news is?**


End file.
